Life with a baby (5 weeks)

My nails grow really fast. I have always been bad about their maintenance, trimming them only when one broke or typing became difficult. Now I trim them when they are too long to wash out the baby poop that keeps getting under them. Gross? Yes. But this is my new life.

Little Avery is growing even faster than my nails. She weighs 10 lbs already and has outgrown most of her newborn clothes. She changes every single day, and it is so fun to watch her develop. My favorite part of the day is changing her diaper in the morning. She always wakes up in a super cheerful mood, so we spend a good 10 or more minutes at the changing table. She stretches and looks around while I change her, and then she gets super smiley, giving me big grins every time I kiss her. She has started to occasionally coo at me while I talk to her, which absolutely melts my heart. She smiles at me and make noises to get my attention if I stop interacting with her during this time, too. It is almost enough to make me a morning person.

My happy girl loves to smile

She is also becoming more independent, at least while she is awake and has a full belly. She still demands to be held while sleeping (more on that in a minute), but when she is awake she loves to be put down. As long as she can hear my voice, she has a great time playing in her crib. I rotate out toys and shiny objects for her to look at and try to be productive by folding laundry in the nursery and sneaking off to pour myself some cereal when I can. She lies there and kicks and wiggles and squirms, rotating her whole body like a clock hand. She also enjoys her bouncy chair from time to time; we read her stories in there, which she recently started paying attention to. This makes her book worm mama very happy. She stares at the pictures and starts kicking her feet really hard and grunting, which I think means she likes it...although sometimes it just means she has to poop.

We have also been taking more baths, usually every other day. She seems content to just chill out in there, so I try to stretch them out as long as I can. She doesn't like the part where I try to actually clean her, of course, so I view the bath as more of a sensory experience for now and still sponge her down on her changing table as needed, which she doesn't find too objectionable.

We also listen to Spanish music (so my brain doesn't atrophy), dance in the living room, and go on walks to pass the time. I just ordered her an an activity gym, too, so I'm excited to add that to our small repertoire of activities.

And then there is the sleep dilemma. For awhile it seemed like we were making progress here, but now it seems she is regressing. She sleeps when held, and when held only. Not in the carseat, not in a crib, not in her bouncy seat, bassinet, or anywhere else. The only exception is the swing, sometimes-- about every 2 to 3 days I can trick her into napping in there, which, not coincidentally, is about how often I do my hair or any real chores around the house. Of course we try to trick her constantly, but she always figures us out. (She has pretty bad reflux, too, which I think is compounding the problem, but more on that another day). She hates swaddling almost as much as she hates the pediatrician, white noise only challenges her to scream louder, and what it boils down to is that we all need to sleep, so: we hold her. We keep trying to put her down, but no luck yet. She just loves snuggled when she is sleepy.

I was getting frustrated, trying to get her to sleep where and  how I wanted, but I have come to the conclusion that it is not worth it to spend these precious weeks being frustrated. I really want to enjoy this tiny, precious cuddly stage, and so I hold her. I know it isn't recommended and it definitely makes it harder to get things done, but I also know this stage won't last forever. Two weeks ago, she would wail any time we put her down, and now she has a great time when we put her down and let her explore.  Two weeks ago, she wouldn't sleep in her swing at all, and now she does every few days. So this will get better, too. In fact, two nights ago she slept in her bassinet for three hours -- small victories! I also got an infant baby carrier that she likes to sleep in, so we are compromising and adapting. Not being able to bend over limits me some (and I can't wear it to shower), but it is a great start, and I don't like cleaning that much anyway.

This is the Baby K'tan -- like a moby but you don't need a PhD to wrap it.

I remember reading a quote somewhere -- "The days are long but the years are short." I don't want to waste these short weeks and years. The truth is, I love cuddling her, and if she needs the warmth and security of our presence to feel confident and comfortable right now, then I'm going to try to provide that for her. I know she will sleep on her own soon enough, and one day I am going to miss her being so snuggly. This mom gig is a really challenging (and stinky) job, but every time she smiles at me I know it is so very worth it.

PS : This is us right now. I am getting really good at 1-handed typing =)